Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
