Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize