Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
