No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have fence marks all over my body
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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