HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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