I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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