I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
