:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
