Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
