The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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