I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
