Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
