you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
