Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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