You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
