I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize