i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
