I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
