Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
