How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
