Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
