just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
