Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
