Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
