Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
