Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
