Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
