I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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