I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
