Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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