My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
