remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
