I want to have your abortion
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
