After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
