And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
