Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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