Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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