omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
