The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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