I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
