Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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