Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
