Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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