and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
