by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
