i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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