Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
