Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
