a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
