Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
