question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
