maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
