Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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