Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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