did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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