If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
