why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize