Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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