your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
