Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
