im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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