I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
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Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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