Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
