I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
