I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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