at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
