lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
