so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
