How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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