We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
