a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
