he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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