I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
