Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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