She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You ate ashes out of my bong
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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