Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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