i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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