ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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