I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
